why is this happening to me.

Venting out my feelings here would probably be helpful with my situation right now. Everything seems to go wrong, seriously, I think that everything for me right now is just going the other way. Hopefully it will find its way to the right path soon. Today, my parents sat me down and talked to me about my debut, I told them I didn't want it anymore because I don't wanna stress, I don't want them spending money, I don't want any arguments, etc. So she told me just to go to Cali with her, but I didn't want to, just because i didn't want to see certain people. UHH and the argument went on & on, until I told her everything that's happening to me nowadays. I'm glad that she understands me. I love my mom. & also my dad.

why do you have to be so cold to me? why is it that I feel you hate the living shit out of me? what did i ever do to you? but fuck it, it doesn't matter no more. i don't wanna live in someone's life if im just an option.

on the other hand, i miss my boyfriend. too bad he cant skip tomorrow, it would be really nice if I spend time with him tomorrow. I'm still debating if I should go to school or stay home and go job hunting. HHHMMMMM?? ..

anyways so today is ash wednesday, i think i still have the ash thingy majigy on my forehead. Before falling asleep of that music they put over the p.a. I had to write what im going to do during Lent. I decided to give up 5 things :

1) To be nice to people that I don't usually get along with.
2) To fast from junk food ( especially coke,pepsi,or whatever )
3) To try not to go out as much, & spend time with my family
4) To try to make my life better
5) Less bad behaviour ( gossip, hating, bitching, etc. )

Hopefully I do these for 40 days .. HOPEFULLLLLLLLLLLLLY.



- dee