goodbye 2009, hello 2010.

wow this year went by so fast. I still member how scared I was going into 2009 because it meant change in my life. College is one of them, it made me become really independent and not reliable on anyone else. This year I didn't care about anyone but myself, and I'm glad I did that because I found out who are the people I can really trust. There were quite a few highlights of the year. Graduating from high school, going to college, Niagara with boyfriend so many times, Blue Mountain with my fam & boyfriend, Skiing with boyfriend alone, Raps vs. Magic, Raps vs. Cavs, latest video games, zoo, ontario science center, new adventures, eating everywhere, etc. Along with most of these highlights, I thank my boyfriend for sharing them with me. I also thank God for giving me him, and we're still strong.Speaking of new years, tomorrow is our 11 months :).

I really hope that 2010 will be my year. I hope that things get better, everything was good this year and I plan to continue being independent and not caring bout anyone else but my fam & my boyfriend. I've met a few great people this year, thank god for that.

I should save more this year lol. Me & baby got a lot of plans this year, our one year, summer, perhaps the orlando trip we've been planning, new york?, whatever trip we have been planning etc. I also wanna be the best girlfriend I can be, as promises we're made. I've never been any happier being in a relationship with someone. I plan to keep it :). Love you babe.

Anyways, I'm not even making sense anymore, cuz I'm like getting ready lol

-dee

lol, seen this pic at klaudine's blog ;). Minds me of my boyfriend doing this to me all the time. Along with biting my cheeks and shit lol. Too much silliness in our relationship. Even play fights :).
Love you babe!

AH, I want a new phone. I'm so going somewhere tomorrow to get a new one. But I want something I can afford. Anyways, school soon. Things has been hectic with work. Me & baby saw Sherlock Holmes today, pretty sick, even if I fell asleep in the beginning. Work again tomorrow :( FML.

I hope you really prove to me this time.. I've been way too patient and I think I deserve to be treated like a princess once in awhile. I know you love me, but please prove to me that you really are sincere.

-dee

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

First of all, Merry Christmas everyone! I'm quite happy that I spent my Christmas with my whole family over at my grandparent's place. It was pretty fun, before opening presents yesterday before the clock hit 12 o'clock, we were all taking shots. It was pretty nice to drink with my family, knowing we all love alcohol except for my mom lol. But didn't drink that much cuz I know baby would get mad :). Anyways, slept over there last night with my cousins and didn't sleep til prolly this morning. We only had a few hours of sleep since my cousins body clocks are still catching up with our time here due to the fact that they just arrived from the Philippines. Anyways, yup. Got presents that I surprisingly loved and wouldn't just throw lol. Baby left for Blue Mountain this morning again, but this time without me, he left with his fam. So everyone was kinda bugging me where he is, the past three days. Hopefully he could be with us soon though =). AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Speaking of today, the whole family went out for dinner tonight after reaching Pacific Mall. Now I'm home, too bad couldn't stay over for more days cuz I got work tomorrow.

My family was talking about how to spend the upcoming new years eve, and we haven't decided yet. But one idea was my aunt booking rooms at Sheraton Downtown, which isn't a bad idea cuz I would really want to go outdoor swimming while we have this weather, under warm water. Hopefully baby can come as well, I know he'd love it, since I brought him there over the summer to celebrate my little cousins birthday. Anyways, I got some new years resolution, that I have been thinking about, I'm only going to limit myself to some this year cuz I always end up not doing them, but I know if I'm motivated enough I can do anything.

Lol did you guys notice my layout, ya I kinda got bored of my old one, so I just went for the ones that they offer, but meh.. I think I'm going to change it when I can. Good news by the way, I PASSSSSED ALL MY CLASSES! I can't be more proud of myself for having an 82% average. Not all college students can achieve high marks like that. So happy, made my parents happy as well =).

- drs

oh man, it's so early, I'm going to work soon, but decided to update this while at it. I won't be seeing baby til iono. Hopefully he comes home on the 27th, like cross fingers. PLEASEEE baby come home that day. lol. Anyways while he's at Blue Mountain celebrating his holidays with family, ill be at boring Niagara lol. I'm pretty sure he'll have fun with some girls there.. lol kidding.. better not OR ELSE! But before we spend time away from each other, we saw each other last night. Thanks babe for coming to see me :) i'll miss our play fights :). I'll also tell Gabe how much you miss her :) and hopefully when you come back she's still with us so she can bug you :P. Anyways ill update more later I guess.

winter getaway.

So we finally reached Friday, our much anticipated getaway to Blue Mountain. Baby met up with me after my Marketing exam at SQ cuz we needed to buy some shampoo and shit. Then after buying shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, movies, etc. we went to my house so I could finish up packing. Left around 1ish. Got to Blue Mountain around 5ish, it was pretty traffic but it's all good. Got to Blue Mountain, REALLY TIRED but we still managed to go to the gym and workout. After working out we went to the outdoor hot tub, frikking sick. I coulda stayed there forever, honestly. We enjoyed the view of the mountain and people skiing. & thanks to the Georgian Bay? was it? whatever it is, the hotel we stayed in, for giving us the view of mountains :) it was awesome. But ya, after staying in the hot tub, we went in the sauna to warm up. Before ending the night, we walked around the Village and just watched people ski. We called the night by ordering pizza & wings & watching home alone :). Saturday, went skiing.. two words, NEVER AGAIN. lol. I'm really not the type of girl that is down for guy things like that. At least I tried. Skied the whole day saturday & just stayed in our room for the night cuz we were tired, and we watched interview with the vampire, pretty sick. Today, I wished we didn't have to leave, it was really fun but still it was a short time. We checked out around 11. Got out hot chocolates, and walked around the village to watch people ski again. I'm still sore from working out. I had fun, I just wish I didn't have to be back to reality. I just can't wait til next time we get away somewhere. Thanks baby :)

- DEE

<3

ya you might make me sad sometimes, but i can't deny that you make me happy. no matter how pissed off i am at you, or we are at each other, we still find the way back to each others arms. you piss me off, i piss you off. but at the end of the day we would just end up cuddling and falling asleep on each others arms. after all, whats a relationship without arguing and fighting right? that's how you better a relationship, when you fight and get through everything. i know i love you too much to stay mad at you for a long time.

it was really nice seeing you yesterday cuz i haven't seen you thursday or friday due to stuff. but you looked really really cute on your formal wear ;). loved it, everyone did, even my mom did =P. i really appreciate everything you've been doing, not only for me, but for the church. everyone also appreciates it, they all love you :). i was so happy to see you yesterday, and almost fall asleep on your arms again :).

thanks for also seeing me today :) and bringing me to watch brothers! it was a good movie, reminded me so much of my childhood, i even teared a bit. when you told me, it reminds me of yourself and how you kinda see yourself when you snap, i say your right lol. i should just video tape you, and show you. so you'll realize. cuz no lie, you scare me when you're like that. regardless, i love you.

on the other hand, exam week. tomorrow i got math which isn't to be nervous about cuz im getting 99% in that class, no boosting. tuesday is a long day for me cuz of business presentation & communications exam, i'm at school til 6 =(. wednesday, no school, going to do my hair =] thanks mom in advanced for paying :). thursday, another long day, though i only have school from 4 - 6. friday marketing exam from 8-11, then off to blue mountain :).

anyways ill leave it here.

-ds

i hate that i love you.

why are you like that? why do you treat me like that? why? why? why do you always push me away? is it cause you don't wanna be with me no more? why? all i'm asking for is for you to be a gentleman to me. to want to please me and treat me like a princess. but why? why do you not want to do these things? i want you to just realize how much pain you put me through sometimes. i want you to feel every single bit of hurt that you make me feel, and maybe then you'll realize that you shouldn't do those to me. last time i checked, boyfriends were supposed to be the gentle man and the understanding one. they were also supposed to be the ones that are supposed to 'please' their girls. to make them happy, with all their being. but you, you don't. our cup is not half full anymore, it's half empty now. it's always been. i sometimes hate myself for loving you too much but what can i do, i choose to be patient with you and give you every chance possible. but the things you do to me are sometimes not acceptable. have you ever really thought of hearing me out? even just once. cuz you never once did. it all ends up to your opinion. that your opinion matters most. i hope you turn more open minded, at least even with me. i try to change all the things you complain about me, but have you tried? have you? cuz if so, please let me know. i'm starting to realize that maybe youre all talk and no action. im done pushing you to do the action, cuz i know you'd end up not doing it anyways. sometimes i think of your intentions for me, but i cnt seem to realize what it really is. i let it all out here because you never hear me out. i've cried, a lot, for you. i'm so jealous of the girls that have their perfect boyfriend, with their perfect relationship, with their boyfriend treating them like the princess ive always wanted to be treated. it's clear to me now, that you still don't know your priorities with me. i just wish that i meant more to you than i am now. and that you can actually show me. for now im done pursuing you. if you don't step up your actions, then i dont know. if you don't change the way you treat me, then i dont know. if you don't change the way you talk to me, then i don't know. im just really done with you always stepping on me. from now on, ill let you do your thing like how you wanna be. ill let you with your time, your school, your decisions. I also hate when you hear me cry, cuz i don't want you feeling pity for me, but when did you have pity? never. from loving you too much, i learned how to comfort myself when im crying late at night and you're not there beside me. i learned not to rely on you anymore cuz whenever i seek for it, you can never give it. you can never give me enough love you promised you would. you can never make me feel like im the one for you. sure we've been through a lot, but out of those 'a lot that we've been through' you never understood me, or even tried to.

-dee

Woke up today with snow on the ground. Geez, finally. Anyways, now is the perfect time to get in the spirit. But with the Christmas spirit along comes the stress. Stress especially with school. I just can't wait til school finish next week and we finally can go do our plans on our Winter list. Our little getaway to Blue Mountain =). Even if I don't know/want to go skiing I guess I'm down to try and learn new things.

I just had a call from my grandma saying to tell my mom that we're going to spend Christmas eve & Christmas at Niagara. It's pretty live at Sheraton with the indoor waterpark =). Then spend 26th & 27th at Sheraton downtown. ouu pretty excited. That Sheraton minds me of when me and baby spent time there for Nikki's birthday =)Even if my parents doesnt wanna go, I'm so going. Since baby is going somewhere that week.

Anyways guess thats bout it.

-DS

love invading your personal space

You told me nothing would change, you told me your feelings won't change, you told me this, you told me that. Yet I know that your feelings did change, everything changed, and I relied & trusted you with all my well being. The way we talk is different, the way you kiss me is different, the way you give me hugs is different, the way we walk is different, the way you show me how much I mean to you is different. Don't get me wrong, I'm noticing the littlest things because they mean the most to me. I don't know if it's shame that's making you do all these to me, but I've learned the hard way. I've learned not to care about others when something is important to me. You're probably the only thing that matters to me right now, yet it feels like I'm still the last one on the list. Honestly, sometimes I feel like you just see me as a friend and nothing more, like this wouldn't last so you're not making an effort. But why? WHY are you doing this? I feel like I'm just helpless, and that I always look dumb in front of you. Like all you think of me is an IMMATURE girl, that you look at me like I'm a kid. Well I can't help myself from being a kid at heart. I like flirting with you even with other people in front of us, I like having serious talks with you as well, and I love acting myself in front of you because I thought you would accept me for who I am. I love invading your personal space just because. I love watching you sleep, I can honestly stare at you forever. I just love when I feel like I'm the centre of your world, which isn't all the time. I love the fact that you make me feel special sometimes. All I'm saying is I love the little things. Why can't I just control you to do this little things as I say, a bit more than you usually do. To even hear you say you love me, means so much to me because you don't tell me it much anymore. You might say that oh that's the honeymoon stage. But to me, it's not! I want those little things to hang around and never change like how you changed them. This isn't my way of fighting with you, but it's my way of venting myself from the things I have been mustering up to tell you. I just can't seem to tell you due to the fact that you'll for sure think that I have the wrong intention. I mean I love you, SO MUCH that I just want to get to you. But I can't seem to. And it's sad...

x-mas wishlist.

For it's Christmas time once again,
the time we celebrate our greatest friend,
time full of wonder, season of glory,
Christmas time is here.. (8)

So here we go, what do I want for Christmas? Let me start with the important ones down to the material things =P

1) For my whole family to resolve their problems, it's sad that it's been a few years ever since arguments happened and we never really got to do our traditions. I mean I loved our Family traditions. I terribly miss my cousins. So please, look past each others flaws and differences and just make up please!

2) I kind of miss the old times, when me & my friends would just chill no matter how the weather was. It would be nice to have that back even just for a day. I know everyone chose a different path now that we're all grown, but it's nice to see each other and chill once in awhile. & this time would be the perfect time to let go of drama & start as new individuals.

3) As for my relationship, I want our love to grow more, the trust to never be broken, to be happy with each other, and to just accept each other for who we are. I also wish to move on to a new level, even if it means meeting some member of the family, or giving space to each other. Just being there for each other.

4) For my parents, to finally get over the personal family problems. I also wish for my mom to pass her upcoming board exam, so her life long dreams would finally be done.

5) A JOB! in this season, I couldn't ask for more but a job, I still need to get my loved ones gifts they deserved. & I need money to save up for school. I mean I've saved up from my previous job, but I'm running out.

6) A BLACKBERRY, I've been wanting a blackberry so bad, I've also been wanting to move back to Rogers or go to some other network and leave Koodo. Sorry Koodo, but you just can't seem to satisfy my needs, & I hate the fact that sometimes my txt messages are delayed. What if my life depended on that message? I would be dead by the time the other person gets my message!

7) LULULEMON: gift card, gray Groove Pant (size 2), Remix lulu Hoodie (size 2), white shape jacket (size 2), a Black/Purple I am great tote, or classic gym bag

8) FOREVER21: gift card =]

9) ARITZIA: gift card, Adidas sweater (black and white) size xs

10) SEPHORA or MAC: gift card

11) PURSES: ED HARDY (something that I can use for school, or just a regular purse), JUICY COUTURE, BETSEY JOHNSON, LACOSTE, COACH

12) Anything from JUICY!

13) COACH: Booney High Top sneaker, Barret Sneaker (size 5.5),or anything from Coach.

14) UGGS! size 5.5 or 6

15) HORNETS JERSEY! :) (size small or extra small)

15) Perfume.

16) Money.

17) D&G eye glasses

- um ya that's all I could think of..
not much but ya. =)

DEE

HAPPY 10 MONTHS <3

Ten months ago we were that couple that everyone thought wouldn't last for long. Maybe a few months or so. But look at where we are now. We had lots of circumstances that challenged us along the way. My love for you have also grown along the way, we started from scratch and look at our work. I'm proud to say that you're my man :). I still remember our first big argument when I caught you doing things behind my back that I hated, I asked you to come to my house, pick up your things & we have to talk. I thought to myself that you were nothing different than every guy that hurt me one of them including my real dad. I hate hated like I never hated anyone for a few moments, I remember we were in your car talking, I was trying to keep myself from crying because knowing me, I cry a lot. I told you to drop me off because I didn't want to see you again, I heard you sniff and just hug me and say sorry, that's when I knew you weren't the same Ray anymore. The Ray that everyone protrayed you to be, the player, the user, the liar, the etc. I know that that was the first time you sucked up your pride because you didn't want to lose me. It felt so great that I finally came to realize that you were capable of sucking up your pride lol. I just had to point it out, because I will never forget that moment. That was probably the moment when I told myself and God that I love you, because I never usually forgive. I even got in arguments with other girls for you. I just love every moment of us. I love your ways, your smile, your silliness, your stubbornness, etc. I don't even care what others think about you or us being together because nothing really matters to me now. I already found you & that's enough. I don't want to look for anyone better, because i know that you're the best for me. Even my whole family knows that. I just wish this will go on until we grow old, cuz im here always will be down to ride with you baby. No matter how much yelling and screaming and crying we go through I'm down, because this is life, it's not perfect. Ten months, it's our first two digit monthsary, and there's more to come. YEARS TO COME! I just hope that you also turn off that 'looking for the better' button in your system. I love you so much hun, always remember that.

Happy 10 Months!

Always,
DEE♥