MAN UP TO YOUR FUCKING PROMISES. You always fucking tell me that I'm doing shit behind your back when clearly you don't have proof. Snooping round my facebook and seeing other guys saying whats up isnt a proof. Why? Can't I talk to other guys? you're too malicious. I fucking gave you everything, MY EVERYTHING. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE, SOMETHING THAT MADE ME ME. & now I lost that, because I love you. All you think bout is the way you look, or what other people will think of you. Okay ya I understand you have an unpleasant past, but don't I? I became your girlfriend, because I love you for who you are, I accept every flaw, every imperfection. This ain't elementary anymore my love, you even sad you were going to man up. How did you prove that? BY LEAVING ME? THANKS A LOT. For all I know, you prolly think that I'm doing shit behind your back, because youre doing it to me, ALL the shit I heard bout you I fucking ignored, just remember that. & also remember, IM NOT YOU so don't compare me to you, cuz I know how it feels like to get played & used.. Like what you said KARMA WILL DO ITS JOB.

sometimes you have to test someone,
not because you don’t trust them,
but to see how much they’ll sacrifice for you..
and sometimes you have to let them go,
not because you suddenly stopped caring for them,
but to see if they care enough to come back

.. & clearly you don't give two fucks bout this relationship

uh, my blogspot really helps me to vent out things that I feel inside. I stayed home today, again lol oh well its whatever school sucks anyways. I woke up round 6, went back to sleep and woke up just maybe 5 minutes ago cuz i got a call from James, but I didn't pick up, just cuz i never pick up anyone's phone calls, he was prolly gunn tell me to go to school like always.

on the other hand, I'm very pissed. I just hate the way you think so bad of me when I tell you what I think. Sorry that I care about your health, I don't want no scrony ass boyfriend. You ask me, and i tell you that you look 'NORMAL' I never said CHUBBY, so next time clean your ears thank you. When you ask me something and I tell you what I think, PLEASE don't give me attitude, because that is my opinion. And clearly my opinion wasn't wanted to be heard. Is it my fault that I think like that of you? You always get sick, going to the hospital, fainting, whatever.. yet you're like 'I WONT EAT' you think that will make me happy? you think that will make you healthier? Think again, because not only you're ruining your health you're also putting your mind state not to be FAT. when clearly, YOU'RE NOT. So if you're going to have problems when I say I dont like when you don't eat, then don't ask me for my opinion. Like my bad that I care, SHIT .. SERIOUSLY, who the fuck would argue over their partner's weight. ITS WHACK, and don't get offended, cuz I know you will. I just won't talk so you can do whatever you want with your body. After all, it's not my body, it's still yours. And also understand that I'm doing the not talking part and letting you do whatever, because I FUCKING LOVE YOU, i want you to be happy. If it makes you happy even if it hurts me inside then go ahead.

Anyways.. uh hopefully this weekend would be good. I really don't want no fights or whatever, I hate it because now I always choose to stay quiet and not argue anymore just because I was told that i was a total BITCH or totally rude when we argue, and now its making me think that maybe sometimes I should start doing it again.

BUT WHATEVSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS .. peace out



- dee

So today, decided to stay home : ) I tried watching Benjamin Button but uh I fell asleep while waiting for the boyfriend to finish his midterm exam. Stayed home for the whole day, I really thought that i needed this day, i just need a break from everything freal. I seriously thought that I wasn't gunn see Ray today, but uh I get what I want : ) lol. joking. He ended up coming round 5ish, waking me up from my nap lol. Spent a little time with him before his appointment with his barber. I gave him his air freshener for his car, and God knows when he's gunn clean it. So I decided to bug him about that, and he finally said 'okay lets go to the car wash' lol geez took him long enough, but that was fun being under that tunnel with all these soap & brushes & etc. Kinda reminded me of the first time we chilled, we cleaned his car lol memories. So then after that he popped a question saying "what would you do if ..."(he's the only one that knows) and it brought back things from the past, that what if he actually does it, what if what if what if.. I love this person too much to even think about that on my side. But yah hopefully he doesn't, cross finger, i trust him with everything. So yah, that's it .. EAZY PHEAZY LEMON GREEZY ..




- dee

why is this happening to me.

Venting out my feelings here would probably be helpful with my situation right now. Everything seems to go wrong, seriously, I think that everything for me right now is just going the other way. Hopefully it will find its way to the right path soon. Today, my parents sat me down and talked to me about my debut, I told them I didn't want it anymore because I don't wanna stress, I don't want them spending money, I don't want any arguments, etc. So she told me just to go to Cali with her, but I didn't want to, just because i didn't want to see certain people. UHH and the argument went on & on, until I told her everything that's happening to me nowadays. I'm glad that she understands me. I love my mom. & also my dad.

why do you have to be so cold to me? why is it that I feel you hate the living shit out of me? what did i ever do to you? but fuck it, it doesn't matter no more. i don't wanna live in someone's life if im just an option.

on the other hand, i miss my boyfriend. too bad he cant skip tomorrow, it would be really nice if I spend time with him tomorrow. I'm still debating if I should go to school or stay home and go job hunting. HHHMMMMM?? ..

anyways so today is ash wednesday, i think i still have the ash thingy majigy on my forehead. Before falling asleep of that music they put over the p.a. I had to write what im going to do during Lent. I decided to give up 5 things :

1) To be nice to people that I don't usually get along with.
2) To fast from junk food ( especially coke,pepsi,or whatever )
3) To try not to go out as much, & spend time with my family
4) To try to make my life better
5) Less bad behaviour ( gossip, hating, bitching, etc. )

Hopefully I do these for 40 days .. HOPEFULLLLLLLLLLLLLY.



- dee

Today was really bummy, once again, i fell asleep in cosmo class while watching how to give a fade lol. I miss my boyfriend, & thank God he's feeling better. On the other hand everything else feels so crappy nowadays. LOL I keep losing our game of president forreal. I lost like 289647 times today, I was always the 'ass'. While playing, I had so much things in my mind, the thought 'I JUST LOST MY BEST FRIEND', I finally came to a realization that being best friends is just not the way it will be from now on.. Like what Klaudine said, it can't just always be only one person working, its not a one-way thing, its two way.. I accept the fact that she doesn't give two shits about it, but I've tried to work things out no matter what, yet again things are just not the same anymore. I hate the fact that I sometimes can't quit figure what I'm going to do without you. But you know what I'm happy for you, the fact that you got all you need, and I'm not one of them. It's okay, you're right at the end, you got no one but yourself. But just know that sometimes, being best friends isn't always about focusing about each other, it doesn't mean we always have to be together, or write notes to each other, or etc. It's about knowing the fact that no matter what we are best friends, we can complete each others sentences, not judging each other, or whatever. But like what I told you, you will always be that best friend of mine. I'm happy that I got others to keep me up when it comes to these situations, & I thank them, cuz they've been there from the start, til now. They know who they are. On the other hand, DORA & DIEGO aren't going well. I need another B1;B2;DORA;DIEGO get away lol. AAAAH, i can't wait til summer.

"sometimes you have to be
strong for yourself. you have
to know that you're a good
person and a good friend.
what’s meant to be will end
up good and what's not - won’t.
love is worth fighting for, but
sometimes you can't be the
only one fighting. at times,
people need to fight for you.
if they don't, you just have
to move on and realize what
you gave them was more
than they were willing to
give you. hopefully, people
realize great things when
they come around. and don't
lose something real. always fight,
until you can't anymore,
and then be fought for."

LOSE ONE..GAIN MORE

- ♥ dee

DOWN effin UUURRR.

Feeling so groggy seriously, today I finally got to take home my mannequin, stupid james, ryan & ero was playing with it SEXUALLY lol. I had a pretty chill school day, didn't get in trouble or anything. Had my nap, actually just woke up from it, thanks babe for waking me up. But the downer is I have to frikking type my project, well that's what i'm supposed to be doing right now but uhh whatever i'll do it after. I really miss my TNA bag, wow i've had that purse/bag whatever you call it since forever.. It was such a convenient bag, it gave up on me cuz someone kept pulling it *cough* james lol, and how heavy my books were, but seriously i could put everything in there, i really hate using my other purses or my jansport at school lol. oh wells, new tna baby coming .. as soon as i get money, OMG why Lord? why can't i get a mother effin job? Am I really that bad with money that you don't wanna give me a job anymore? Like I'm sorry lol. But cross fingers i get it as soon as possible, so I won't get complaints from my mom anymore telling me how I fucked up & all that. & I feel really bad cuz i haven't even gotten Ray his birthday present yet, I feel like I'm leaving off of him, whenever we're out. I'm not used to being treated everytime, that's why sometimes I feel like uhh shit. I love him too much to not go out with him, at the same time. Hopefully my dad's knee gets UNtwisted lol, i feel really bad for him. & I hope that boyfriend will also feel better. Please LORD! i really feel sad when my loved ones are sick. I know I always both of them saying, 'are you okay?' or 'are you feeling better?'. It's cuz I really hate it when they're down. anyways, on the other hand.. KLAUDINE! those letters, omg made me realize even more that we go way fuckin back, my writing was so ugly lmao .. I won't go into details but yes...






- dee

glow in the dark

So glow in the dark is stuck in my head lol. Yesterday was pretty chill, watched my brother's game against MYBA i believe along with Ray & Kuya James. They lost by like 5 points? GAY lol. After the game, it was snowing really hard and I wanted to be a kid and play with some snow but no lol. Me & Ray left my mom, brother, & James and continued our night by watching Fired Up, pretty sick movie lol it was funny. Though I wanted to watch He's Just Not That Into You, but it was a chick flick I didn't want my sick boyfriend to be bored. Speaking of that hopefully he gets better soon, I feel really bad whenever my loved ones are sick or are down. Hopefully I don't get sick too. Anyways today was a cool day too, watched my dad's ball game against the MYAA Jaguars, it was a pretty sick game, they could have won that but whatever. Anyways, today was my first time actually watching my dad's team & i'm not gunn lie I underestimated them a little. After the game, me & Ray got food, and went to my house just chilling.. Babe, we really beat the record, I saw you everyday except friday lol. Please feel better ugly.. I finally finished my passport to safety quiz, meaning im gunn get my certificate soon. yay :) anyways im gone, whatevs. GUUUUURRRRRRRRRR


- dee

HELLO KITTTTTY.

OMG, MAC HELLO KITTY COLLECTION IS LOVE ..
I WAAAAAANT IT !

bad day

Today is such a crappy day for me. Even thought yesterday was good, LOL .."you're a ISPECIAL GERL." "OMG I HAB SO MANY WINDSOR, OH NO NVM THEYRE COLD SORES" lol. only klaudine knows =P GUUUURRRR. & I also saw the boyfriend, wow three days in a row.. I really appreciate the part of me & him making up for his time away at Blue Mountain. Too bad i don't think I'll be seeing him tonigt just because we're both sick. Not of each other lol but ya i feel sick, & so does he.. I don't want his germs, gross lol LIKE HONESTLYYYY. =P. wow even if i feel crappy im still trynna be funny, gurrr. but anyways today is just crappy period, and i don't wanna go into details because i don't want to feel even crappier. Hopefully i see ray on the weekend, please LORD. Anyways, hopefully summer comes soon, i just really hate this cold air. but whatever .........

everything happens for a reason.

So, I decided not to go to school today, I was very lazy. Good thing I wasn't going to miss anything at school anyways. This day is a very special day just because, only two people know & I can't expose. But anyways moving on.. so Ray decided to come over cuz he didn't have school or work. We just chilled at my house & slept & eat & such. Watched Quarantine, some fckd up movie freal. But anyways decided to go out round 1ish, got some bubble tea, & Ray brought me to 'MIDGET LAND'. I never knew that there's such a thing lol. Not even boosting, i didn't believe ray at first but when he showed me, there was like a whole complex of houses for little people. Even the frikking volleyball court was little, it's like a village just for them. Pretty cool, but really trippy. If you guys don't believe me, ask me to bring you there lol. But anyways, for some reason, I fell asleep in the car til like 3 ish after driving around. Then I decided to go home, & took a little nap.

*best friend: i love you.. please don't ever think that you have been replaced, because you haven't. just please understand my situation. this means a lot to me.


NTS: CIVIES DAY TMRW, fck my life. NOTHING TO WEAR *boo




- dee

so i couldn't really post an update for yesterday which was the 16th, RAY'S BIRTHDAY :).. I just wanna let you know that I missed you yesterday & sunday. It was a big torture for me, it was your birthday and i couldn't even spend it with you. It actually proved to me that this thing is so scary, what if you actually go away for weeks, what the hell am i supposed to do huh? lol I know i told you not to read this, but i know you will anyways =P.. You deserve everything you worked hard for until this day babe. I will be looking forward to being with you for the next birthdays of your life. I LOVE YOU & HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Anyways today, tuesday, downer because i needed to wake up early to go to school. But its good just because its a short week, its already Wednesday tomorrow, thank you Lord. Anyways, um classes went by really fast today, presentation during cosmo class went by okay, i thought i was gunn fuck it up but it was good lol. And I was really happy that i got to see the boyfriend today, he came home from school early, I hope this happens more often just because he's a busy guy & i don't really get to see him during the weekdays when im all cranky after school lol. But it was good, played ps3, i scored 48 points? pretty good for a first timer in basketball :P lol. Kudos to softy for teaching me how to play, i got a hang of it after awhile. Spent time together, and yaa. He left round um 6, to go to the gym, but no someone was too lazy *rolls eyes* anyways, im outieee ..

- dee.

long weekend.

So friday, was supposed to be spending time with boyfriend. but ended up not to cuz of things ..

Saturday - Valentine's Day: so i thought my mother wasn't going to let me go out just because. Then she didn't care anyways. They all left, I got ready while waiting for my boyfriend. He came over for a bit while I was getting ready, like as in someone was scared that my dad would come home, like my dad would care if he's here.. Or just the fact that he took my dads parking? lol. But then `round 130 we left my house thinking of where to go. Our original plan was Niagara, it wasn't supposed to happen but it eventually did. I was scared cuz I thought if I go with him my mom would prolly bitch at me, but that's later on. Oh before that, he gave me a teddy bear, a letter & a necklace. It's too cute, THANKS BABE! So the drive to Niagara was like an hour ish?I was napping so Id save some energy for the day. We got to Niagara round 3:15, found parking, checked the lake, took some pictures etc. So Niagara consisted of first the FX Ride Theatre, it was so sick it was like a 3d thing but that kinda made me dizzy. After was the Ghost Blasters Dark Ride, that was a pretty sick ride, we wore those glasses its like that scooby-doo one at wonderland where you had to shoot things. I KILLED HIM lol :) .. Before deciding to leave the Midway Arcade, we decided to claim our tokens, & buy more.. HOLY we got a lot of tickets, we got like 600+ i also got a toy puppy :) & he got something for him too. After that arcade was Movieland Wax Museum that was like one of the coolest, so much characters made of wax, and at the end there was a scary maze which made me almost piss my pants lol. babe if youre reading this " IM FROM BROOKLYN MOTHAFUCKA " ... "OH THIS IS SOME FREAKY SHIT" lmao. Then we went to the Glow in the dark Mini-Golf, it was pretty sick, i've never been to a glow in the dark one, & i suck BIG TIME. moving on.. second last place we went was Ripley's that one was cool, too much interesting things. LMAO BABE THE FAT LADY!. Then after that was our last stop Niagara SkyWheel, whenever i go to Niagara ive always wanted to go ride on that but Im scared of heights, but whatever it wont kill to try it right? so we go on it was so cool cuz we got to see Niagara area at night, pretty romantic. Except for the fact that we wanted to go back to Toronto, or Vaughn to be specific by 930, 9 frikking 30 lol. and it was like 730 already, just so we wanted to watch friday the 13th at vaughn lol.shoot me. it was like a mission and a half, but on our way back i fell asleep once again, but he like fast & the furious that car, we made it to vaughn by 830. anyways so the movie was over, and who knows what happened next ..
other than that yesterday was good, thank you baby .. <3

know that I'm yours to take ..

Would you take me, despite all of my cracks?
I am far from a saint, you know.
I have scars and I have some issues.
I have walls and I have fences.
I could tell you stories that would make you shudder;
I could whisper secrets that would make you choke.
I can be strange sometimes.
There are days when I just want to give everyone the finger, and never leave my bed.
Yes, I have a great many flaws.
Would you still have me?
I’ve been good and I’ve been horrid.
I can be too honest at times, and there are days when I hold too much back.
And if you should still want me, know that I am yours to take...

SATURDAY: was pretty sick, Klaudine's debut was good. Met a few people. Saw the people i haven't seen in a long time. She deserved her 18th. My first slow dances with my boyfriend were pretty cute, not minding the people around us, goofing around, making him eat my food, etc. After Klaudine's debut, me & ray dropped off athina & james home, then just chilled. I loved it =]

here are some pics


------------------------------------------
Sunday : went to church.
and yesterday, as usual school GAY
Today: um school again. GROSS lol. i cant wait til march break

So yesterday i was just too lazy to post, so now i decided to post before ray comes over. So today, for the first time ever i wasnt late wow first =]. Anyways school passed by pretty quick, & thank god it's friday. Anyways what am i supposed to do. Im already on my pjs and waiting for ray to come over, I dont even know what we're doing. Movies? video games? eat? i dont know.

im too excited for Klaudine's debut. Hopefully it'll be live : )

-

so my boyfriend just left round 11:40ish. he beat my brother in ps3, good job ugly! =]

cirlce

So, today I was late for 5 minutes, thanks to James's mom for the ride to school. At least I didn't have to walk outside in the cold. It was mad cold, seriously I think that the world is going so crazy, frikking global warming. I know that i litter sometimes too but i seriously wish that the earth would go back to normal lol. Anyways I'm trying to recall what i learned in Religion class today lol. Since I was falling asleep in class i can't really remember much, I think we learned about being judgmental about things. Something about we are always judgmental no matter what, we have to make the decision, whether to do the right thing or not to. Either ways we're judging. We go back making decisions all the time just like a circle, never ending. So during lunch, I helped Klaudine to pick some songs for her debut, did my homework, & try sleeping but no too loud lol. Cosmo class was boring for me and Charmayne just because we both forgot our kits at home, and instead of doing our first blow-dry on our mannequin we didn't and had to stay there & do out work, GAY. Chemistry class was very uh should i say boring, I really hate sitting beside that guy. We did some next lab shit, putting raisins in carbonated water lol. Speaking of that, i still have to finish. SHIT lol. I was also supposed to see my 'partner' today for Klaudine's debut, but decided not to. Anyways I really miss Raymund right now, it feels like it's been so long since I saw him on Sunday. I don't know what to get him for his birthday, SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS SOFTY PLEASE TELL ME i don't wanna think lol. Too bad I can't spend your birthday with you, but it's okay, at least I get to spend Valentine's day with you :).. Anyways I'll end it here.



with love,
dee

QUID EST VERITAS?

'QUID EST VERITAS?' or as translated 'WHAT IS TRUTH?'.. Religion class is so interesting, im starting to like it even though it's right during the morning, but whatever i'm getting used to it. So what is truth, my teacher said that sometimes people are too blind to see what is truth, and yes i actually agree with him just because I know for a fact that sometimes I also avoid the truth. Yes, truth hurts. But hurt makes me stronger. What don't kill you makes you stronger right. I just had to brainstorm about what really is TRUTH about me right now, and what really is TRUTH about the world that surrounds me. Is this all truth, or just make-believe? hmm.. On the other hand im stressing, pimples are coming out of my face !! I wanna cry, just because im so stressed. Hopwfully everything turns out fine & worth it in the end.

BTW i forgot to tell you guys that I received an offer for Humber for Business, I was so excited cuz I was waiting for it for such a long time

On the other hand, I SEXXED my first test on Chemistry today, so proud of myself, i didn't even study that much. Hopefully I SEX the next one again lol.

always,
dee

PAY ATTENTION.

The title of this entry is "PAY ATTENTION" just because, that's what I learned in Religion Class today. I was pretty bummy just because it's Monday, and I wasn't really in the mood for school. But everything was good, even though I fell asleep pretty early. I still got to talk to ugly while I was walking to school in the morning. Anyways yes, Religion class, I have a feeling that I'm going to learn a lot from that class, I hope so.. I also hope that I can take them as I walk my struggles through life. 'Pay Attention' was our main lesson, not only to what the lesson for the day was, the things going on around you, but also paying attention in life. You don't wanna be stupid to miss anything that you will regret as you go on. I will try to always remember that lesson. So lunch was pretty sick, Ero got our lunch now too. Third & fourth was still loaft, & fifth it went by okay, we had a diagnostic test, hopefully I did good. Speaking of tests I have another one tomorrow, oh shittt lol. After school I went home with Klaudine, ate, talked, did her hair etc. I love that girl off. Anyways, I bought a dress today, FINALLY. It's not too long, not too short so hopefully boyfriend will approve of it. He better lol. Its royal blue and it's pretty, but I wanna cut it just because =(.. Anyways one word BROKE I wanna cry, I can't live without a job. I feel bad whenever I ask my parents for money just cuz I already give them a lot of headaches with my stubbornness. Hopefully I get a job soon. So tmrw Jed is coming over to help me with my shtuff.

- On the other hand. Girls these days, geez why would you slap someone that got a girlfriend just because you like them & they don't like you back. Like who do you think you are? This is what I don't like, when people hate on something I worked hard for. Like get off my dick, and find someone elses !
.... I'm just scared that I'd lose you to her, if ever your reading this, just to let you know, I LOVE YOU




always,
dee

RAPTORS VS. MAGIC

So, woke up extra early today once again to get ready for the Raps vs. Magic game with Ray. He got to my house, said hi to my parents and we left. Decided to park his car at Kipling Station and subway ourselves to Eatons first since it was still early. Walked around for a bit, he gave me a tour of Ryerson, oh how i would love to go there. Then took me to the underground place, holy I was like lost inside that thing. Got to Union round 11:30, Went to ACC and found our seats. It was so awesome that I get to watch my first live NBA games with my boyfriend. YUP BOYFRIEND =P. Anyways Raptors lost, THEY GOT KILLED. Geez, Magic killed them. Raptors seriously need new BETTER players. But whatever, after the game, we decided to go back to Kipling to get his car and drive to Yorkdale, ate at Rainforest Cafe, OMG babe if you're reading this i hate you. IM TOO FULL. But whatever, Him being such a boy, after eating we like spent an hour at Foot Locker just looking at shoes, trying them on, thinking, & deciding he won't get it. So whatever, we went back to sauga & went to Wal-Mart to buy a ps3 game instead. Then just chilled for a bit. Our talk made it seem like this is a new chapter of my life. New challenge, new experiences, etc.

♥
dee