AAH, college stuff.. I gotta pay so much, I'm poor, I don't want my parents paying everything, blah blah blah.. So much responsibilities to accomplish yet so little time. Good thing is I'm seeing the boyfriend today, that's the only good thing in my life. Better than nothing. I still thank God that he's helping me through every step of the way. I also want the rain to GO AWAY, little RAY wants to play :) lol. Since I know my boyfriend misses basketball already but not me, lol kidding, i love you. And please print my OSAP application things! fuck my life :(. I just can't wait til next weekend, I need to get away from all the stress that's bugging me right now.

But whatever, I should be off to doing something productive like cleaning before I go see the boyfriend :).

- DEE

ew, omg i just realized it said BLOGPOT on the top which makes me look really dumb ahah. well i am sometimes :) but whatever. We had our grade 12 retreat today, thank God it didn't rain, Me & Jamila we're praying pretty hard aha. The guy from that guest band we had were awesome especially the drummer guy lol. I haven't gotten sick of their songs & their faces even though I've seen them during grade 9 retreat, when I was a leader for this year's grade 9's and my grade 12 retreat. We won all the games we played :). But ya after everything I was exhausted like a bitch. I asked my dad to pick me up from school cuz I really NEEDED a nap. The nap that I took was noiceee, until my mom had to come in my room to look for my blow-drier, honestly we have two & she loves using my stuff. Whatever I guess I owe her anyways from losing the 300$ bracelet that she gave me =( lol plus dropping her coach bracelet & broke it unfortunately, but whatever she gave the matching necklace back which made me a bit happy hah. No school tomorrow yay, finally spending time with my boyfriend after a few days of not seeing each other. Since I've been busy with school & stuff. I so can't wait to get my G2, & I so want a car for my 18th birthday. OMG, I really gotta start working on my cosmetology exam portfolio, I started on my introduction already well I made baby write it for me :) lol. & I'm also gunn make him do everything since he's way more artistic than I am. There's like a few days of school left & I'm excited to go to college. I CANT FUCKING WAIT :) ...

oh btw Klaudine if you're reading this, sorry ..
I'm too lazy to upload lol.. love you <3


-ds

thankful..

You've got to understand that it took me a lot of courage to make myself come to the realization that everything that I've ever wanted & needed is found within you. And for me to put everything aside again, everything that you once broke, is a remarkable task that took a lot of strength & faith in me. They say sometimes people put walls up, not because they want to block people out, but because they want to see who cares enough to knock them down. You know me like no one else does because I never was able to let anyone in, & you don't even know how glad & thankful I am that I gave you the chance. You stayed at our best, yet you stuck at it at our worse, & proved to me what truth in love still has. The sky is the limit & true love really is forever.

I wanted to find a guy that'll fight for me & what I believe in. Not fight my fights, but to fight for me & fight for my love. I wanted to find someone that knows when to hold me, when to comfort me, when to hold my hand. I wanted someone that'll love me for who I am, someone that won't change me or try to. Someone that knows me inside out, not someone who thinks they do. A guy that will listen to what I have to say & try to help me out. Who would stay awake with me all night, just to hear my voice. Who would know when to give me space & understand why. Someone who wouldn't leave me & love me forever. I wanted to find a guy that'll love me & we would be together forever.

..i found it in you
I Love You Always.

- DEE

LAUREN ELIZABETH GABARRO ROMANO

for some reason, when it comes to you I'm always emotional. I decided to dedicate this one to you, hopefully you'll like it :). I was looking at my previous pictures & there were tons of me & you. Those times we would mission down to Reymar's to wake him up. Member, 'loser & a half' & 'half a loser'? lol Chris Paul is too funny huh? NOT. The times we would skip first just for the fun of it & hide in the washroom so Mr. Flynn won't see you lol. Just the stupid moments we have & all the memories that we created. Remember those old boothies? You still have them lol. I wanna let you know that whatever happened to us, it was a joy ride. An exciting ride that brought us everywhere lol, even chilling with just the randoms. I will always keep all of those with me & treasure them. The 'FAUZLE' lol, even though it's rusty & shit, I still have it. I also wanna thank you for the times you had my back, & was ready to beat up the guy that made me cry. All the realtalks we would have. The times when your dad would drive crazy & I'll be at the backseat dying lol. Looking back, I don't regret anything. I know that you're happy with our situation now, cuz I know we're making a progress right? I really hope so, well at least in my eyes. Though sometimes it seems like you could care less or I could care less. I know deep down inside that we both know that we still do care bout each other, and always goin to be there for each other. I want you to know that you can always count on me when you have problems, whenever you need to talk. I'm not here, I'm there =] lol. With everything moving so fast, I get so emotional sometimes because I miss everything. & I don't care about the others that's reading this. All I wanna say to you is always keep your head high no matter what, you're a strong girl. I LOVE YOU !

"If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope. If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope. If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope. If you give people the benefit of the doubt, then you still have hope. If the suffering in others still fills you with pain, then you still have hope. If you still watch love stories or want endings to be happy, then you still have hope. If you can look at the past and smile, then you still have hope. If, when faced with bad and told everything is futile, you can still look up at the end of the conversation and say "yeah, but..." then you still have so much hope. If you still offer your hand of friendship to those who have touched your life, then you still have hope. If you refuse to let a friendship die or accept that it must end, then you, very much, still have hope."

always,
dee.♥

Watched fireworks on Sunday :) all the way at Niagara, I know you might say crazy. But it was a nice place to go to. We also checked hotels and stuff, made me walk so far *cough cough*. I thought that the fireworks were amazing & was such a romantic place just to be with my boyfriend :). After the fireworks going nuts, we decided to go to midway to play some games. OMG we got like 500+ tickets damn, that game is too addicting lol. As in addicting that we finished all the cards that was in that machine slot. As usual choosing a prize for the tickets took long, since my boyfriend can't seem to make up his mind sometimes lol. The ride home was quiet & cold, I was mad tired and as usual fell asleep again..

Yesterday was quiet exciting, went to my grandparents house.. I DROVE THERE :) i'm so proud of my self because I drove from my house to Dufferin St... than back to my house again. Didn't get to spend time with baby since he went to the movies with his fam :)..

Today, I felt like the weekend wasn't long enough. Honestly, I just can't wait to finish. Watched a movie in Religion again as usual. Test in cosmo & lesson in Chem. Everything is just usuals lol. I had my driving lesson again today as well & I did a pretty good job :)... I miss my baby, I won't be able to see him till Thursday. Friday is such a downer as well since it's wondergrad, & I won't be able to see him til Saturday.

Should I work on sunday with ian? hmmmm.. we'll see

so the week was ummm so/so, though seriously whenever it rains tear falls. I thought April showers bring May flowers? I guess it's the opposite. But whatever, we're both making progress, *knock on wood* i don't wanna jinx anything. I know, that it's going to take a lot of hard work & a lot of sacrifices to make it work. Time will also tell if things are meant to be, but I know they are :) we both know they are.. I know that hurtful words has been said & hurtful things has been done, but what can we do.. it is what it is, we gotta forget bout the past & live for our future.

Anyways, Friday didn't go to school, & baby decided to come home early from work. He picked me up & went for lunch at Erin Mills, we went to Playdium after lol, I never really appreciated what Playdium could offer until Friday, when for the first time ever I played nuff games lol. Klaudine met up with us & all of us started playing every game possible lmao. It was fun until I had to go to work.. =( Baby came over after my work then just chilled at my house. Yesterday was fun, got to spend time with family for a bit because they were seeking attention from me lol, then also got to spend time with my boyfriend. Watched Angels & Demons after walking around Yorkdale. It was such a sick movie, the places they shot the movie at was awesome.

I should go to church soon, but people in my house are loafting. I wanna watch fireworks tonight or tomorrow.. But whatevesss .. iI'll blog more later..


ds

Friday was such a funny yet so tiring day lol, Me & baby rented a movie called Old School. Trying to scare my brother with it being a horror movie when it's really a comedy hah. My brother fell asleep so he went upstairs & Baby fell asleep on my lap as well, I also fell asleep for a bit, lol. but whatever. the night was fun :).

Saturday, went to wonderland with boyfriend and omg the stupid rain sucks !! It was literally on & off for the whole day. Took some boothies that turned out really cute i must say =]. But ya back to wonderland, omg i wanted to kill my boyfriend. Asshole, dragged me to every ride when he fully knows that i'm scared of heights. Like god damn Behemoth? no one can even drag me to rides like that lol. Wild Beast hurted my head really bad. Lol baby "IM A MAN" ahahaha & screaming on my ears asshole!! but overall it was so fun. Went to eat at an all you can eat Japanese restaurant near p-mall right after we watch the movie obsessed lol. Geez baby about the spider legs.! my ass

Sunday, I worked with kuya Ian, OMG I SERIOUSLY MADE 40 of those damn things. Mother's day.

Today, I got my new phoneee yay :) no more crap phone fina-fucking-ly, i miss the boyfriend dearly.. it's so gay that I won't even be able to see him on saturday, and won't be able to spend that much time with him on friday, but it's okay there's always monday :) angels & demons :) ..

no matter what you do to me, I'm still here. for some odd reason, i stick around and put up with all your mood swings and unkind words. i just let your comments roll off me into a puddle on the floor. i make up excuses on why you didn't call, try to think of all the answers. i keep going back for more even though sometimes you push me away. i don't know if i can do better ,but do i really want to? you're quick to push me down when all i want is to be brought up. when i walk out for good, when i really gain the strength i need then maybe you will see. maybe you can look back and say, "wow that girl really did love me."

& for the record.. i need you more than anything right now, i dont want to be that dependent on someone that will never come through for me. but without you im falling, and im scared that you will be the only one that can ever catch me, and im scared that you will never be there to do that.

dedicated to you ..

I haven't updated in awhile,I think ever since April 27th? not sure but yaa. This is hopefully gunn be a long, I also decided to dedicate this post to my one & only Ray Anthony. But before everything, I should update with the things I haven't updated in awhile.. I've been busy with school things, work things, & such things. Too much bills to pay, I also changed my phone & number, =] which pisses me off, cuz I wanna change my phone again. The situation with the best friend have been okay lately, things have been loosening up a bit & it makes me happy cuz it's a progress :). The weather lately is sooo frikking beautiful, I just can't wait to finish school. I've been skipping too much, either I'm exhausted from the night before, or lazy, or spending time with boyfriend, or sick. Right now I'm sick, but don't worry guys I don't have that swine flu thing. Lol. I've also been doing my driving lessons, and yeeee my instructor already booked my G2, on June 9th, EXCITEEEEEEED. Anyways I should really get into my dedication part huh? =] this might not makes sense since im out of it today but meeh, it's the thought that counts right?

First of all, Happy belated 3 months.. wow can you believe it? it's been three months & it feels like forever, not saying it's a bad thing, but it's a good thing when it comes to a realization of what we've been through, three months is long lol. I know people will probably say oh ya no that's only three months, it's nothing, but in this case, no one knows but me & you. I wanna recall all the memories I can recall from day one. Remember that night at Timmies, when we watched unborn? The night we both can't forget, knowing that we haven't seen each other for awhile felt really nice when all the awkwardness between us was replaced with laughter & joy huh? & member Lauren calling me, & she was drunk? aha. The talks we would have bout me & you being together after that. I didn't wanna give in just because I thought I was going to get hurt once again. You did all anything to win my heart, from singing to me until I fall asleep, meeting my parents, picking me up, listening to me while I cry from my problems with my mom or my best friend, help me out with my stressful life, etc. Soon enough I gave in, FEB 1 2009, perfect day, perfect time, perfect everything =]. I'd never forget that day, you picked me up from my house during breakfast aha, & that's when everything began. I know our first month was good, but we had our ups & downs as well. Remember Valentine's day? when we didn't know whether to stay here or go to Niagara, but we ended up going anyways =P. I thank you for that day because no one ever did something like that for me ever. You already know all the memories we've built after that. Going bowling is always fun with you :), then eating at the infamous Denny's afterward lol. Playing ball has also never been so much fun with anyone, cuz you actually play with me unlike the others that has no patience. Watching your games, & being proud of you makes me so happy :). When you would just chill with my brother, I find it so cute that even my parents wants him calling you kuya. I must say that all the things we have gone through makes me really proud of me & you. They say that the first months are the happiest, but in our case it's surely not lol. I have cried a whole lot of tears just to let this one go. I know that the past week has been really iffy for the both of us, but what happened? we got through it again. I'm so settled. I wanna let you know that I have, I do, & always will try my best to be patient with you & try to understand where you're coming from. I'm also sorry for the things I have said & done that jeopardized this relationship. I'm also asking for you to do the i think two things I asked from you. I know it takes time, & I am waiting. I know we're gunn get through all of this hand in hand. I just also ask for you not to do shady things like .. ill keep it to myself, but you know what i mean. Like what i said, i'm not up for games, so please be serious bout me as well. I love you. ♥

that like didn't make sense at all. (N) but i hope you liked it :)..


always,
dee