i hate that i love you.

why are you like that? why do you treat me like that? why? why? why do you always push me away? is it cause you don't wanna be with me no more? why? all i'm asking for is for you to be a gentleman to me. to want to please me and treat me like a princess. but why? why do you not want to do these things? i want you to just realize how much pain you put me through sometimes. i want you to feel every single bit of hurt that you make me feel, and maybe then you'll realize that you shouldn't do those to me. last time i checked, boyfriends were supposed to be the gentle man and the understanding one. they were also supposed to be the ones that are supposed to 'please' their girls. to make them happy, with all their being. but you, you don't. our cup is not half full anymore, it's half empty now. it's always been. i sometimes hate myself for loving you too much but what can i do, i choose to be patient with you and give you every chance possible. but the things you do to me are sometimes not acceptable. have you ever really thought of hearing me out? even just once. cuz you never once did. it all ends up to your opinion. that your opinion matters most. i hope you turn more open minded, at least even with me. i try to change all the things you complain about me, but have you tried? have you? cuz if so, please let me know. i'm starting to realize that maybe youre all talk and no action. im done pushing you to do the action, cuz i know you'd end up not doing it anyways. sometimes i think of your intentions for me, but i cnt seem to realize what it really is. i let it all out here because you never hear me out. i've cried, a lot, for you. i'm so jealous of the girls that have their perfect boyfriend, with their perfect relationship, with their boyfriend treating them like the princess ive always wanted to be treated. it's clear to me now, that you still don't know your priorities with me. i just wish that i meant more to you than i am now. and that you can actually show me. for now im done pursuing you. if you don't step up your actions, then i dont know. if you don't change the way you treat me, then i dont know. if you don't change the way you talk to me, then i don't know. im just really done with you always stepping on me. from now on, ill let you do your thing like how you wanna be. ill let you with your time, your school, your decisions. I also hate when you hear me cry, cuz i don't want you feeling pity for me, but when did you have pity? never. from loving you too much, i learned how to comfort myself when im crying late at night and you're not there beside me. i learned not to rely on you anymore cuz whenever i seek for it, you can never give it. you can never give me enough love you promised you would. you can never make me feel like im the one for you. sure we've been through a lot, but out of those 'a lot that we've been through' you never understood me, or even tried to.

-dee