one year

I hate it. It's ruined. The only day you can be nice to me, be a boyfriend, be a gentleman, and you chose not to. You chose to leave me here literally crying and not giving two fucks about me. Worst than that you swear at me? you yell at me? Do you think I'm some kind of a superhero that doesn't get hurt? If so, then something is wrong with you. You can't even appreciate all the things I given you for our one year. I skipped 3 days of school to complete your presents and you cant even take 6 minutes to watch it? I would've thought you'd be excited to watch it. But instead you'd rather watch your wrestling and even worst play your Wii, THEN SLEEP? Thanks a lot. You know my heart, it's about to fucking burst in million pieces soon. I really hope you could cure it, but you can never. I hate when you tell me things that gets my hopes up. When are you ever going to put me first? The only thing I can do to ease all the pain you cause is burst into tears. I feel so fucking broken. I'm ready to fall off the string I'm holding on to. You always shut me out. Why are you like that? Don't you feel horrible you're hurting me? I mean you tell me you love me yet you can hurt me like that? you can swear at me like that? you can yell at me? You ask me why I can't be happy.. you should know why. why can't you put your all attention on me, even just for once. I might sound selfish when I say that but I mean I deserve it. You can never just have your attention on me. There always has to be something else. I'm left with questioning if this is really real for you. Cuz I'm not up for games. I should be holding a lot of grudges on you, but I don't I give you a chance to prove yourself all the time, now I'm running out of reasons. I mean if you're really not ready for me, you can't change that right? who can? cuz I tried, and theres still nothing there. I cry myself to sleep all the time because of us, I put everything inside me. I'm always left alone crying in the dark. Why can't you feel bad for me, for once.. I wish you could feel how you make me feel. I wish you could understand, I wish you could see my mind & my heart. I wish you were aware of how make me feel. I wish you dont turn away. I wish you'd love me more. I wish you'd be there when I feel alone and losing my grip. I wish you'd wipe my tears when I cry. I wish for so much things to change in you. I pray every night. But no matter how much hate I have for you, when I see your face or even just hear your voice it all goes away, I mean I know you love me, your just having a hard time showing it. Am i right? But why is it hard? I wanna know why you cant be the boyfriend that would show me to his mom. Am I not worth it? Cuz I feel as if I'm not thats why it's better off I don't meet them. I dont know.. this is just sad.. Im slowly slowly falling..

And you know ain't nothing better
Then when we get
Mad together and have angry sex
Then we forget what we were mad about

aha

happy one year, i love you.
even if you don't

always,
danielle