rewrite the memories

Trust me, I wish I could rewrite everything. I wish that I had that power in my hands to correct all the wrongdoings we did to each, all the hurtful words we have said to each other. But I can't no one can, all we can do now is work on what we have. Like how we worked on this with nothing at all maybe even less than nothing from past experiences we had from each other. I know that we have the ability, but we just choose not to do jack shit about it. Pardon my language but it really is getting into me now. All I can think of is make it better, try to make it better, and hope it works. I know you do too. But the sad thing is nothing works. The minute I realize I should loosen up a bit and actually do it and be nice and understanding to you. It is the exact same time you do to me, what you don't want me doing to you. Yes, I did say we can never get along, I know you know we can't. All our efforts go in the garbage. Why can't we make it well worth the effort? I am sick and tired of not trusting you, taking your time from everything, being selfish over you, accusing you of things, and so much more. So I won't. I trust you, but like what I said, you don't have to keep secrets and lies to me because I would rather hear it from you straight up than hearing it sooner or later from another source. But I'm also sick of you not trusting me & accusing me of things I don't do when we're not together. See that's the main reason why I want you all for myself all the time, so you know that 'I'M ALL FOR YOU' as you say. Give me the benefit of the doubt because I have been trying to understand your motives with this kind of attitude. But I won't go on yapping about how your this and I'm this and we're this. I've said these things many times and hope that it gets to you & you finally see the bigger picture not just the literal things. I miss everything as well, but what can we do now? Nothing but make what we have better. But like what I always say it's up to you to put me where you want in your life. Because for sure you're the first on my list and positioned in the middle in my heart. I don't have any past times to replace you. Because I can do that on the side but I can't do you on the side. It's like you're the main course of the meal. I know you take me the wrong way all the time, and to be honest, I don't like it. I don't like when you get mad at me for not receiving my text msg after a few minutes, so try being in my shoes, what do you think I feel when you ignore me when you're busy doing something else? I'm not going to tell you because I want you to realize the little things we both do. I hope it just hits you soon that if no one works on it, nothing will happen. If we don't put an effort to it, it will turn out shit. I just want you to realize that if we lose this, it will never happen again.

Now it's really up to you..
I have given enough support and patience, that I'm afraid I might be running out. So don't let that happen please. Thanks.

-dee